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Vicevi I tako ide Mujo do crvenkapavice i putem sretne zlatnu ribicu koja mu kaže: pusti me i odvest ću te kod plavuše :)

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Staro 04-14-2008, 21:23   #461 (permalink)
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Staro 04-14-2008, 21:38   #462 (permalink)
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Taman sam sjeo na skoljku kad sam zacuo glas iz druge kabine:
- "Hej, kako si?"
Nisam bas tip koji zapocinje konverzaciju u muskom WC-u ali ne znam sto me snaslo, pa sam odgovorio, pomalo sramezljivo:
- "Ide, dobro!"
A drugi tip je upitao:
- "I, cime se bavis?"
Kakvo je to pitanje? U tom sam trenutku pomislio da je vrlo bizarno, pa sam odgovorio:
- "Uhhh, putujem, bas kao i ti!"
Tada sam pokusao izaci sto je moguce prije, ali sam zacuo sljedece pitanje:
- "Mogu li doci kod tebe?"
OK, ovo je pitanje ipak previse nastrano za mene, ali sam skuzio da mogu samo biti pristojan i zavrsiti razgovor. Rekao sam mu:
- "Ne... trenutno sam zauzet necim!!!"
Tada zacuh tipa, nervoznog...
- "Cuj, nazvat cu te kasnije. U susjednoj kabini je neki idiot koji odgovara na sva moja pitanja!!!"
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Staro 04-14-2008, 21:45   #463 (permalink)
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Staro 04-15-2008, 10:07   #464 (permalink)
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Staro 04-15-2008, 10:28   #465 (permalink)
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Sreli se Fata i Merima.


- Jel', Merimo, kako to da u tebe i Hase petero djece i sva muška, a Mujo i ja imamo petero kćeri i nikako da dobimo sina. U čemu je problem?


- Fato, to ti je zato jer ti moj Haso ima ogromne noge. Ako žena spava sa muškarcem koji ima velika stopala, sigurno će roditi sina.


Nakon nekoliko dana srela Fata klošara sa ogromnim nogama, te se sjeti Meriminih riječi:


- Jel' prijatelju. Bi ti mene pojebo? Još ću te i nagraditi!


Klošar pristane. Nakon obavljenog posla, Fata mu da 100 maraka, a on sav presretan kaže:


- E, baš super! Konačno ću si kupiti dobre cipele. Ove su mi pet brojeva prevelike!
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Staro 04-15-2008, 10:34   #466 (permalink)
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Haso:
- "Mujo šta od glazbe ti voliš slušati?"
Mujo:
- "Sve živo i Tošu!"
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Staro 04-15-2008, 12:51   #467 (permalink)
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Marija i Francek koji su muž i žena vjeruju u spiritizam i reinkarnaciju. Dogovore se da onaj koji prvi od njih umre, pokuša drugoga kontaktirati trideseti dan poslije smrti. Nesreća je htjela da je Francek poginuo u teškoj saobraćajki.
Prema obećanju koje mu je dala još dok je bio živ, Marija tridesetog dana pokuša ostvariti kontakt s Francekom na drugom svijetu. Tijekom seanse, Marija u transu zaziva: "Francek, Francek, Marija je tu, čuješ li me??", i pomalo ustrašenim glasom nastavlja: "O, Francek, kako mi nedostaješ! Kako li izgleda tamo gdje si sad?"

Konačno se javi Francek: "Prekrasno je, plavo nebo, kratko pokošena trava, zelene livade na kojima gotovo stalno sija sunce."
Marija plačući: "I što radiš većinu vremena?"
Francek: "Znaš, Marija, ustajemo prije nego izađe sunce, i nakon obilnog doručka ne radimo ništa drugo nego se seksamo. Nakon ručka, imamo dvosatni odmor i onda se nastavimo seksati do šest sati. Zatim večeramo i ako još možemo nastavimo se seksati sve do noći. Uglavnom to ovisi o spremnosti partnerice. Oko deset sati zaspimo. I tako svaki dan."

Marija, još uvijek plačući, ali ipak šokirana: "Pa to ne bi smjelo biti u raju?!? "
Francek: "U raju? Pa Marija, ja nisam u raju!"

Marija: "Šmrc, šmrc? Pa gdje si onda?"
Francek: "Ja sam ti sad zec u Međimurju".
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Staro 04-15-2008, 14:43   #468 (permalink)
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Kaže prijatelj prijatelju:
- Imam za tebe jednu lošu i jednu još goru vest...
- Auuu... ajd' prvo onu još goru.
- Pa izgleda da NAM neko jebe Tvoju ženu.
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Staro 04-15-2008, 21:30   #469 (permalink)
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Ako ne možeš pomoći SMETAJ važno je sudjelovati
A more,more me diže i nosi
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Sad znam da ništa neznam
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Staro 04-16-2008, 20:04   #470 (permalink)
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Uči tata zeka svog sina seksu, pa postavio 3 zečice i pokazuje mu:
• Jedan, dva, tri. Jesi li vidio sine?
• Nisam.
• Ajd' ponovo: 1, 2, 3, a sad?
• Jesam.
• 'Ajde sad ti.
• Jedan, dva, tri, četiri... Uh, oprosti tata!
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